Chapter 14: Absolute Madness! A Dance of Demons! Go Crazy! Everyone Go Crazy! [Requesting Monthly Tickets]

The production assistant hurriedly pulled the two apart.

Teacher Huang, having barely escaped, hunched over, coughing violently. Deprived of oxygen, he simply collapsed onto the ground with no regard for his dignity, retching and hacking.

Before he could even relish the joy of surviving, a shadow cast by a streetlamp fell over him. He looked up, bewildered, only to find Li Changfeng standing behind him, staring at his back with a pensive expression.

"What... what are you doing?!" Teacher Huang asked in terror.

Li Changfeng suddenly unbuckled his leather belt.

Then, before Teacher Huang’s widening, horrified eyes, the man let out a sharp "crack" and whipped him across the body!

"Whoa!"

"Waaaah! Oh, oh, oh!"

Teacher Huang reflexively leapt from the ground, clutching his backside and gasping in agony.

Seeing this, Li Changfeng landed two more vicious strikes, instantly causing Teacher Huang’s eyes to roll back. He scrambled and jumped, his mouth wide open in silent, agonizing whimpers.

The pain reached such an extreme that it was as if a mute button had been pressed on Teacher Huang; he couldn’t even summon the strength to scream for help.

"Kneel! Call me Daddy!"

Teacher Huang: "?!"

"Go to hell! Li! What! The! Hell! Are! You! Doing!"

"Talking back? Disobedient!"

Li Changfeng felt his authority challenged, so he swung his belt and unleashed a flurry of lashes upon Teacher Huang.

"Does it feel good? Does it? Does it feel good when I whip you?"

Teacher Huang: "Gah! Oh! Argh! Hey!"

The production team watched from behind the scenes, utterly stunned.

The two production assistants on-site had their jaws on the floor. They desperately wanted to intervene and save Teacher Huang, but listening to the sharp whistling of the belt through the air, punctuated by Teacher Huang’s heart-wrenching screams, they simply lacked the courage to step in.

They were paid peanuts, had no insurance, and certainly weren’t going to risk their lives!

The entire courtyard of the Mushroom House had descended into total chaos. Teacher Huang fled; Li Changfeng pursued.

Perhaps driven by a primal survival instinct, the nearly fifty-year-old Teacher Huang, under the hot pursuit of Li Changfeng, suddenly performed a massive leap. Fueled by a surge of adrenaline, he discovered unbelievable strength in his arms and managed to claw his way up the courtyard wall, finally securing his safety.

"Get down!"

"I won't!"

"If a puppy doesn't listen, the master will get angry!"

"You little brat, you’re actually getting angry at me?"

"I’ll count to three. If you don't come down, I’m going to punish you!"

"Damn you, you’d better not fall into my hands, or I’ll kill you sooner or later!"

Teacher Huang felt incredibly aggrieved.

In this short span of time, his emotions had been on a roller coaster—from great joy to deep sorrow, from the peak of life to a brutal beating. He swore that in his half-century of life, he had never experienced such dramatic ups and downs. His emotional breakdown was so severe that even his threats and curses were choked with sobs.

...

Meanwhile, the live broadcast room was filled with a festive and lively atmosphere.

[6666!]
[I am absolutely stunned!]
[Are guests on variety shows this unhinged nowadays?]
[I’m dying of laughter!]
[Hahahahaha!]
[Oh, no, I... I peed myself! I actually laughed until I peed!]
[I declare this episode the peak in the history of domestic variety shows! Its entertainment value even surpasses the "Nine-Turn Intestine Incident"!]
[Maybe not surpass, but it’s definitely tied for first place!]
[Is this a script? Let me repeat, this is not a script!]
[It’s definitely not a script. Fengfeng is hitting him like he’s fighting an enemy soldier; he’s not holding back at all. Just watching that belt hit him makes me hurt!]
[Teacher Huang has bloody welts all over his back; they’re seeping right through his shirt!]
[This is insane!]
[You’d need to drink a gallon of hard liquor to get this crazy!]
[Liquor? Think again. This is the effect of hallucination. Rumor has it that mushroom poisoning causes visions. I didn't see it when Brother Chao was acting up, but the moment I heard Chen Chichi say he was going to perform "Three Bites for a Pig," I understood everything!]
[The chicken soup is poisoned! Sorry, wrong set—it’s the mushroom soup that’s poisoned!]
[Is that guy from Yunchuan who was giving the science lecture still here?]
[Come out and explain! They really seem to have hallucinated from eating the mushrooms!]

As the netizens were dumbfounded, they all recalled the lecture given by a user from Yunchuan in the chat.

Unfortunately, in the vast sea of comments, that user had not reappeared to provide an explanation.

But the good news was that because the popularity of the Mushroom House was exploding, a massive number of Yunchuan locals had gathered in the chat. Soon, an expert appeared, using colorful text to explain:

[I just carefully watched the replay. Teacher Huang likely added an excessive amount of seasoning, which neutralized some of the highly dangerous toxins, so the toxicity of the soup isn't lethal and won't cause permanent damage.]
[However, because the bottom of the pot was filled with stagnant seasoning residue, the heat distribution was uneven. Combined with the fact that it wasn't cooked long enough, most of the neurotoxins became concentrated in the mushrooms!]
[The good news is that thanks to the excessive seasoning, otherwise, after drinking that whole pot, the toxins would have kicked in before an ambulance could even arrive. The bad news is that while their lives were saved, the mushrooms are concentrated with neurotoxins, and the hallucinogenic effect is very powerful!]
[Although it isn't life-threatening, they still need to get to the hospital immediately. If they go too late, no one knows what might happen.]

Seeing the expert's explanation, the netizens were shocked but found it intriguing.

['Excessive seasoning'—take note, this will be on the test!]
[I knew it! This is the Teacher Huang I know—terrible at cooking but loves to try.]
[So, because of his mediocre cooking, Teacher Huang actually ended up with a blessing in disguise? If anyone else had cooked it, everyone in the Mushroom House would be packing their bags for the afterlife by now.]
[What a "blessing in disguise"—are the guests supposed to thank him for not killing them?]
[If someone else had been here, this wouldn't have happened.]
[We were too hard on Ouyang Ming. #WestPoisonOuyangMing# at most just upsets your stomach, but look at #EastHereticHuangYaoshi#—he goes straight for the throat!]
[If it’s hallucinations, Brother Chao and Chichi’s visions are easier to understand. I’m curious what Fengfeng is seeing.]
[First "call me Daddy," then "puppy," then "master," then "punishment," and chasing Teacher Huang with a belt to beat him to death—wait, is this right, brothers?!]
[I think I get it!]
[I’m not sleepy anymore!]
[If that’s what the hallucinations are like, I’m going to Yunchuan to try the mushroom pot. I don't want it well-done; I want the ones with neurotoxins, the ones that cause hallucinations!]

Meanwhile, the phone of the Mushroom House director was ringing off the hook. Realizing the guests were hallucinating from the mushroom soup, the director didn't dare to delay for a second and immediately called the nearest hospital, requesting an ambulance for backup!

Just then, Brother Chao suddenly looked excited and shouted:

"For freedom!"
"Run! My youth!"

Production Team: "???"
Netizens: "!!!"

Having barely calmed down, Brother Chao sprinted out of the Mushroom House courtyard. His excitement was so intense that the two production assistants couldn't restrain the rampaging man despite their best efforts...

He actually performed a "cicada shedding its skin" trick right in front of the national audience!

Then, locked in the camera's view, Brother Chao, left with only his red boxers, streaked into the mountains.

Looking at the pants in their hands, the two production assistants had expressions that were both awkward and complicated.

"When Brother Chao sobers up, won't he come after us?"

Their worry didn't last long. As they watched Brother Chao running into the mountains in pursuit of youth and freedom, Chen Chichi, seeing the "suckling pig" clinging to the wall, actually ran to a nearby greenhouse and started frantically digging through things.

Brother Chao was in the mountains and couldn't be caught for a while, so the two rushed to check on Brother Chi.

When they entered the greenhouse, they saw Chen Chichi holding two raw corn cobs, acting like a giant squirrel, chewing away!

"Brother Chi, stop—no, put that down!"
"That’s raw corn! You’ll get a stomachache!"

Chen Chichi didn't care. "Who says this is raw? This is my favorite boiled corn! Don't touch my corn; I’ll fight anyone who tries to take it!"

Looking at Brother Chi’s blood-stained teeth, the assistants weighed their options and silently let go.

Raw corn was at least food. It was hard, but it wouldn't kill him, right? As long as he stayed here and waited for the ambulance, he could eat it if he wanted...

"Wait, Brother Chi, what are you doing?" Noticing his movements, they were startled and rushed to grab his arms. "That’s the pigpen! That’s the pigpen!"

Chen Chichi: "Nonsense, that’s a buffet restaurant! I can smell the pizza!"

They followed his gaze to the stone trough used to feed the pigs, where the overnight leftovers had been mashed into a paste!

"Brother Chi, stay calm, stay calm!"
"I just want a good meal! Let me go, I want the pizza!"
"That’s not pizza, that’s pig slop!"
"Someone help! We can't hold him! Come help!"

Chen Chichi’s eyes were bloodshot; he was like a wild bull, and even with two people pulling him, he charged toward the pigpen.

Seeing him about to reach the fence, the director, who was supervising from behind the scenes, shouted in terror, "Control him!"

The two assistants knew the stakes. Even if the Nine-Turn Intestine made by Lu Ming contained filth, it was at least cooked and seasoned, and it looked like food that could whet an appetite. But pig slop? That was truly vile!

If he actually did that, it wouldn't just be a matter of whether he could stay in the entertainment industry—it would be a matter of needing to move to another planet!

They didn't even think about their expensive cameras and dropped them on the ground. One on each side, they forcibly pinned his legs and grabbed his torso, tackling him to the ground and locking the charging Chen Chichi in the most primitive way possible.

In the live broadcast room, the audience was laughing until they couldn't catch their breath:

[666!]
[@SunLi, your husband is streaking!]
[Well, now the whole country knows your husband likes to wear red boxers.]
[I can't laugh anymore, someone save me!]
[When you said "going to the buffet for pizza (pig slop)," I almost laughed until I passed out. Oh my god, help, please stop being so funny!]
[Welcome to "Your Moon, My Heart." Pizza Brother is me, I am Zeng Xiaoxian. If you’re confused about this nickname, come to the Mushroom House to find out!]
[I can't handle it anymore!]

The production team had just caught their breath when a new situation erupted in the courtyard!

Teacher Huang was still clinging tightly to the wall, refusing to come down, and Li Changfeng was below, whipping his belt and shouting threats. The standoff had reached a stalemate, and the production team thought they would just wait for the ambulance to pack them all up.

But Wu Qian, who had been quiet until now, suddenly looked at Teacher Huang on the wall with a ferocious expression and roared, "Damn you, you fake!"

Teacher Huang: "???"

Whose subordinate was this?!

These bastards—when they first met, they were all respectful, terrified of offending him. After they got to know each other, although they were less formal, they still held him in high esteem. Just ten minutes ago, they were all singing his praises.

Teacher Huang couldn't understand why their attitudes had reversed so drastically in such a short time. They were all acting like they had epilepsy, completely losing their minds.

What was worst was that these little bastards were fixated on tormenting him alone...

Dammit!

"You fake, get down here!"

Teacher Huang was furious. "What the hell are you barking about?! Can you open your eyes and see who I am before you talk?!"

When Wu Qian heard this, he instantly became enraged.

"You fake! I’d recognize you even if you turned to ash! Barking at your big brother Qian, huh? Just wait!"

In a fit of rage, Wu Qian took a sprinting posture and, to Teacher Huang’s horror, charged toward the wall in three steps!

Teacher Huang was terrified. "Don't! Come! Over! Here!"

Wu Qian was as light as a swallow; he kicked off the wall, grabbed Teacher Huang, and yanked him down!

Teacher Huang didn't even care about the pain. He stammered, "I'm not a fake, I'm not a fake, I'm really not a fake!"

SMACK!!!

A crisp slap stopped his frantic defense.

At that moment, the air went silent!

Teacher Huang clutched his cheek in disbelief, his face blank, his eyes dull.

That was a full-blown slap!

He, Huang Yan, Teacher Huang, a man of great prestige in the entertainment industry with students everywhere—when had he ever suffered such humiliation?!

"You little brat, you write those hit pieces pretty well, huh!"

"I'm not a fake..."

"Still arguing?"

SMACK!!!

"You had us fooled, pretending to be my fan?"

"I didn't, I really didn't..."

SMACK!!!

"Still arguing?"

"Stabbing me in the back, huh?" SMACK! "Calling me 'Brother', huh?" SMACK! "A fan, huh?" SMACK! "Greasy mouth, huh?" SMACK! "The filth boy, huh?" SMACK! "The poop-eating idol, huh?" SMACK! "Nine-turn intestines, huh?" SMACK! "Wanting to eat, huh?"

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

Wu Qian slapped him left and right. Teacher Huang initially tried to defend himself, but as the relentless slaps rained down on his face...

He was stunned... completely stunned!

Suffering both physical and psychological trauma, Teacher Huang’s head lolled to the side, his eyes rolled back, and he passed out!

"Still pretending to be a fan? Still calling me 'Brother'?" Seeing Teacher Huang unresponsive, Wu Qian pinched his philtrum like a character from a soap opera, his expression twisted. "Tell me loudly, is your brother Qian awesome or not!"

Teacher Huang was jolted awake. Opening his eyes and seeing the completely unhinged young man before him, his old heart trembled.

He realized clearly that if he didn't submit to the "fake" label, he would be beaten to death by this maniac right here and now!

"Au... awesome!" Teacher Huang trembled, tears streaming down his face.

Seeing the "fake" he hated so much finally submit, Wu Qian’s ferocious expression softened instantly.

He clapped his hands, walked away satisfied, and started gesturing at the air. "You, you, you, you don't—the rest of you, stay!"

"Ladies, let's get high, shall we?!"

"..."

A moment later, the director rushed over. He looked warily at Wu Qian, who was dancing with the air as if no one were watching, swallowed hard, and helped the red-faced Teacher Huang up from the ground.

"Teacher... are you okay?"

Teacher Huang: "..."

He kept wiping his tears, too weak to even speak.

Okay?

Did he look like he was okay?!

"Do you know how much damage a slap to the face does to an old man’s heart?!" Teacher Huang cried out. "From ancient times to now, a junior slapping a senior is a sin that should break their spine!"

"He slapped me for three minutes! He didn't stop for a single second, he slapped me for three whole minutes!"

"Do you know how I spent those three minutes?"

"Ah?!"

"Damn it! Help me to the kitchen, I'm going to cook a huge pot of long beans and poison these bastards..." Teacher Huang’s eyes were bloodshot with hatred. "Every single one of these bastards, none of them are getting out alive!"

Director: "..."

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