Chapter 23: The Trending Topics Are Boiling! Thunderous Laughter! This Variety Show Is “Killing Us”! [Please Vote with Your Monthly Tickets]

#Running Man Incident!#
#Teacher Huang gets his stomach pumped!#
#“Mr. Vampire 3” livestreaming in the dead of night!#
#Ge-Ge was brutally bullied by the brotherhood, vomited blood on livestream, and is currently undergoing emergency rescue!#
#New iconic scene in domestic variety shows: Wang Baoqiang tears apart a vampire, and the Mad Bull beats up Teacher Huang!#
#BaBy and Reba’s fates are unknown, Chao-ge and Chi-chi are nowhere to be found—it’s chaos! The first day of the Running Man livestream has become the biggest disaster in the history of domestic entertainment!#
#The Variety Show Saint just had to lift a finger to reach a height that domestic entertainment hasn't achieved in ten years!#
#……#

Overwhelming hashtags quickly surged to the top of the trending list.

【I’m laughing so hard I’m having convulsions in the middle of the night!】
【I hereby declare that the Mushroom House Incident is now a thing of the past; the pinnacle of domestic variety is now “Run! Brother!”!】
【A D-lister just had to lift a finger to reach a height that domestic entertainment hasn't achieved in ten years.】
【The Nameplates are all crying tears of joy. Thanks to BaBy, thanks to the Black Bull, thanks to the gifts of fate—Brother Ming’s success today is all thanks to everyone’s support!】
【There is no such thing as peaceful years; it’s just that someone is bearing the burden for you!】
【Ming-bao: "Why does the hemp rope always break at the thinnest point, and why does bad luck always find the miserable? I’ve lost everything and have nothing left, yet I don't feel like I'm being targeted at all."】
【BaBy: Please feed me peanuts!】
【Black Bull: I shouldn't have run my mouth!】

Thousands upon thousands of "Ming-haters" saw the shift in the comment section and were immediately incensed. Since when could that D-lister they always despised be favored by the Goddess of Luck? Especially seeing passersby calling him "Ming-bao Ming-bao," they felt nauseated to their very bones!

Fans of Wu Qian from all over the country immediately began to spread toxicity in the comments:
【What are those D-lister fans barking about!】
【Ge-Ge and Teacher Huang have been harmed to this extent by that D-lister, and you still have the nerve to gloat here? Do you have no conscience?!】
【That was a wine bottle smashed right against his forehead! Heaven knows the trauma that being hit with a bottle has caused Ge-Ge, both physically and mentally. Our Qian-bao has never suffered such abuse in his entire life!】
【D-lister, pay for what you did to Ge-Ge with your life!!!】
【The production team is heartless. The place was a total mess and they didn't come in to help immediately; they waited until Ge-Ge was almost beaten to death. Their ulterior motives are obvious!】
【If this black-hearted program records a few more episodes, Ge-Ge will surely lose his life!】
【Damn the Running Man show, damn that D-lister, you all deserve to die!】
……

In the ancient-style courtyard, as ambulances arrived, the stars were carried away on stretchers amidst the wailing of sirens. The production staff split into two groups: one followed to the hospital, and the other searched everywhere for Deng Chao and Chen Chichi, who had been scared out of their wits and gone missing. Only Lu Ming remained, sleeping soundly in his room.

Ring-ring!
In the middle of the night, Wu Qian’s manager was jolted awake by a frantic phone call.
Upon learning of his artist’s miserable encounter, the manager wept: "What a disaster!"
"This isn't recording a variety show! It used to be that you could just show your face and get paid, but now, you have to go to the hospital twice in three days, and get your stomach pumped for fun! The appearance fee they gave isn't even enough to cover the medical bills for Qian-bao!"
The manager cursed as he drove toward the hospital.

……

On the street outside the Running Man courtyard.
"Stop... stop!"
"Stop!"
"Don't chase me, I'm old, my meat doesn't taste good!"
Hearing the hoarse shouting behind him, a sweat-drenched Chao-ge screamed in agony.
Because he had gotten mustard in his eyes, Chao-ge was sprinting wildly while tears streamed down his face uncontrollably. Intense fear caused his mind to nearly collapse. In his panic, he blinked for a split second and—*bang*—crashed solidly into a streetlamp, falling to the ground with stars spinning in his vision.
Hearing the rapid footsteps and heavy breathing behind him, his desperate will to survive pushed him past the pain. Using a flash of inspiration, he endured the stinging smell of the mustard, covered his nose and mouth, and held his breath!
Deng Chao shivered, his heart in his throat: "He can't see me, he can't see me..."

*BANG!!!*
"Awoo!" Chen Chichi slammed into the same streetlamp, letting out a shrill scream. He fell flat on his back, eyes rolling back, and fainted from the sudden vertigo.
Deng Chao looked over in a panic, only then realizing it wasn't a vampire from the courtyard chasing him, but his own brother.
"Why were you chasing me?" Deng Chao asked, looking at the unconscious Chen Chichi in disbelief.

Chen Chichi, mouth dry and voice hoarse, replied: "Huff... huff... I was calling for you behind you to not walk away, my throat is torn to shreds, why didn't you look back!"
"I was scared to death, and your voice was so bone-chilling, how could I dare to stop!" Deng Chao touched the bump on his head, relieved that it wasn't a vampire chasing him.
"And, what kind of look is this? You don't even have your underwear!" Deng Chao said, shocked.
Chen Chichi hurriedly sat up: "Don't ask! The vampire's fingernails were only a centimeter away from my manhood, I almost died, how could I care about underwear!"
"Wrap this on!" Deng Chao took off his t-shirt, and Chen Chichi didn't hesitate, immediately covering his dignity.
The two then rushed non-stop to the local police station on the street.

The two officers on duty were chatting boredly when they suddenly saw the door kicked open. They became alert instantly: "What are you doing!"
Two disheveled young men with bumps on their heads rushed in. Seeing their sorry state, it was clear they had just been beaten up. The officers relaxed. Before they could ask, Deng Chao leaned over the counter, panting: "There’s a monster committing crimes!"
The tall officer: "???"
"What kind of monster?!" The shorter officer took out a pen and paper.
Deng Chao panted and gestured wildly: "The eyes are bulging, the mouth is split in two, and the whole face is rotting!"
The tall officer: "!!!"
The short officer quickly sketched a zombie: "Like this?"
"No, no." They waved their hands in unison: "The kind wearing official robes!!"
The officer revised the sketch, putting the zombie in official robes: "Like this?"
"No, not a zombie, a vampire! A vampire!" Deng Chao stomped his feet in frustration: "Have you never seen a vampire movie? Exactly like that, but even more terrifying than in the movies!"
Chen Chichi bared his teeth and roared: "Heh heh heh heh!"
"That’s the sound the vampire makes, like fingernails scratching on glass, it makes your scalp tingle! It walks by hopping, with both arms thrusting forward!"
As he described it, Chen Chichi raised his arms and started hopping around, thrusting his arms forward. He imitated it perfectly, but because he was so vigorous, he didn't even notice the t-shirt he’d tied around his waist fall to the ground.
The two officers looked at the hopping, exposed Chen Chichi with strange expressions.
The officer drawing swallowed hard and modified the sketch again. This time, the drawing finally matched the vampire they described.
Chen Chichi snatched the pen and paper, adding details: "The fingernails, his fingernails are pitch black, over ten centimeters long, the kind that can pierce right through a throat! My underwear was pierced by the vampire and then torn off!"
"Wait a minute, where is my underwear?!"
The officer whispered: "You just said it was torn off..."
Chen Chichi: "..."
He quickly picked up the t-shirt from the floor, tied it around his waist, and handed over the drawing with the giant fingernails: "Anyway, it's a vampire like this!"
"My friends are still at the crime scene. Two girls have already been scared unconscious. The others have probably been bitten by now. Send people over quickly! If a vampire bites someone, they might turn into one! The whole courtyard is probably full of vampires now. You must bring the best equipment!" Deng Chao urged anxiously.
Chen Chichi hurriedly added: "Handgun bullets aren't powerful enough, they might not work. Do you have an AK47? An M4A1? Or a high-rate-of-fire submachine gun like an MP5 or P90? Large-caliber firearms might be the only thing that works!"
"Right, it's best to bring a rocket launcher! Also, hurry up and send people to buy sticky rice, chicken blood, and black dog blood!"
"Hurry up! If you're late, it'll be too late!"
Listening to their excited descriptions, the two officers' expressions grew increasingly strange.
They turned away in unison; one bit his lip, the other covered his face, trying to look serious while their brows furrowed into deep lines.
The tall officer kept a straight face: "Your surnames?"
"Deng, Chen."
"Mr. Deng, and Mr. Chen, we understand your request. We will immediately dispatch our elite team, equipped with that... what did you call it..."
Chen Chichi: "AK47!"
"Oh right, AK47." The tall officer pinched his thigh hard while trying to bite his lip: "And..."
Deng Chao: "Sticky rice, chicken blood, black dog blood! Also, remember to hold your breath when dealing with vampires! That way it can't see you, it can save your life in a pinch!"
"Right! Understood. We have the situation clear. You two go back and wait for the results." The officer clenched his fists, staring at the ceiling, trying not to laugh, and said solemnly.
The two felt something was off, but couldn't put their finger on it.
Deng Chao reminded them before leaving: "Must, you must be equipped with the best gear!"
"Don't worry, we have a Gatling gun at the station, the kind that spits blue fire!" The tall officer promised solemnly: "We'll have someone enchant the Gatling gun, coat every bullet in chicken blood—two thousand rounds per burst! Guaranteed no vampire will survive!"
Deng Chao was overjoyed: "See? That's what you call professional!"
Chen Chichi sighed: "It's our blessing to have you protecting us. Please, you must save my friends!"
After they walked out the door, both let out a sigh of relief. One shirtless and one with bare legs, the cold early morning wind blew, making them shiver with a bone-chilling cold.
"Sssss..." Deng Chao clutched his shoulders, his eyes red: "I wonder how Reba and the others are doing."
"Probably already eaten by the vampires..." Chen Chichi felt sudden sorrow.
Everything that happened that night had completely shattered their understanding of the world.
Previously, due to high tension, they didn't have the energy to think about anything but escaping. Now that they had entrusted the matter to the police, their nerves finally loosened, and a wave of extreme sadness washed over them. They completely broke down!
"Ahhhhh!"
"Woooooo..."
The two brothers hugged each other and wailed.
In the depths of their grief, in a daze, they seemed to hear bursts of laughter coming from the police station behind them.

……

"Hahahaha!"
"Vampires." The officer bent over laughing: "AK47, M4A1!"
"Hahahaha!"
"Rocket launchers, chicken blood, black dog blood! Hahaha!" The officer slapped his thigh and laughed at the sky: "Wah-ha-ha-ha!"
Suddenly!
The door opened. The suspicious Deng and Chen brothers burst in to check, but the well-trained officers reacted quickly,收敛 (composing themselves) the moment they heard the door open.
Both had serious expressions: "Mr. Deng? Mr. Chen? Is there anything else you'd like to add?"
"Oh, no."
"Please act quickly!"
"Don't worry, we're preparing."
They left again, feeling that maybe they were just delirious from the night's stress. But within seconds, they heard the laughter again. In disbelief, they looked at each other, then burst in with the speed of sprinting champions!
"Mr. Deng?"
"Mr. Chen?"
Deng Chao: "..."
Chen Chichi: "..."
"It's fine, please just send more men!"
They reminded them and turned to leave.
Just then, a nimble fat man rushed into the station. He was carrying a camera, and upon seeing the two disheveled men, he was overjoyed: "I finally found you!"
"Di... Director?!" Deng Chao was shocked.
Chen Chichi was overjoyed: "You're still alive? Great! Quick, tell the officers about the situation at the crime scene! How are the others? Are they still alive?!"
Director: "..."
He was stunned for several seconds. Facing the inquisitive looks of the two officers, he silently took out his phone and showed them the already boiling trending list: "There are no vampires, it's all fake. The vampire was played by Wu Qian. See for yourself..."

Deng Chao: !!!
Chen Chichi: ???
They trembled, snatching the phone in disbelief. They scrolled through several posts and quickly saw the GIF of Wu Qian grabbing the D-lister by the throat, only to be smashed in the head with a bottle by the other party.
"..."
Their minds went blank. They looked at the director, then at the two officers who were struggling to hold back their laughter. Recalling what they had just said and how they had run for their lives, their legs went weak and they collapsed to the floor. Both stared blankly, their hearts turned to ash, feeling as if they had been struck by lightning.

*BOOM!!!*
It was the sound of the sky collapsing!
"Old Deng."
"Chi-er."
The two lay on the floor, calling out to each other weakly.
"Do you want to live on a different planet?"
"That wouldn't be a bad idea!"