Chapter 27: Qian Bao "Blows a Gasket"! The "Engine Oil" Is Leaking!! [Seeking Monthly Tickets]

Deng Chao watched Wu Qian’s slightly awkward, crotch-clutching gait with a suspicious expression. "Why does Xiao Qian look like he’s desperate for a bathroom break? Is the bamboo shoot obstacle in this final stage really that punishing?"

"Didn't you try it just now?" BaBy asked.

Deng Chao shook his head. "There was no opportunity to try it at all! Teacher Huang used up all the time himself. You didn't even get a chance to put your foot on it, did you?"

"I was just intimidated by Teacher Huang," BaBy explained.

"I almost died on that acupressure mat just now, what more do you want from me?" Teacher Huang said, displeased. "Young people these days really know less and less about respecting their elders and showing consideration for their seniors. If the trend in the domestic entertainment industry continues like this, it's doomed!"

BaBy: "..."

Deng Chao: "..."

Refraining from arguing with the morally superior Teacher Huang, Brother Chao grabbed a small megaphone from the production crew and began to shout, causing a distraction: "Xiao Qian, take it slow! Young people should take it easy. There are so many acupoints on the soles of your feet; if you exert too much force and damage the reflex zone for your kidneys, that wouldn't be good! While competition results are important, physical health is even more so!"

Wu Qian, who was sprinting, was startled, and his speed dropped instantly.

"Old Deng, shut up!" Chen Chichi yelled anxiously.

Li Chen stepped forward and covered Deng Chao’s mouth.

"Brother Chao, that’s blatant condescension! Our idol may not have other talents, but he certainly has a healthy body!" Lu Ming raised the megaphone high and hollered, "Allow me to grandly introduce the rising star of the domestic entertainment fan circle—Baby Qian!"

"In 2014, when Baby Qian first returned to the domestic scene to participate in the recording of Mushroom House, he won the 'Best Defecation Award.' Even amidst his busy work schedule, he didn't forget to promote the progress of our country's medical science. That very evening, while filming, he rushed to the hospital to make a selfless contribution by using himself as a sample, earning him the 'Best Fecal Contribution Award'!"

"The following night, he transformed into a boxing champion and knocked down Teacher Huang, winning the 'Best Head-Butt Award.' Afterward, he joined forces with Teacher Huang to jointly win the 'Best Gastric Lavage Award.' His nickname: 'The Defecating Boy'!"

Wu Qian: ???

Teacher Huang: !!!

Deng Chao finally understood: "But what does this have to do with having a healthy body?"

"Could he have survived until now if he weren't healthy?"

After hesitating for three seconds, Deng Chao sighed: "Reasonable!"

[Is this loser-poet serious?!]
[Not a poet, a 'fecal' legend!]
[At first, it sounded obscure and high-brow, but after pondering for a few seconds, I literally laughed so hard I couldn't finish my meal!]
[He’s won so many awards, isn't he quite impressive?]
[Translation: He ate feces, then went to get his stomach pumped while full of feces, helping the hospital provide a rare case study. After all, cases of people eating large amounts of feces are rare; even the most eccentric people usually only take a small taste, but Baby Qian went straight for the pot! The last three awards are: slapping a senior, multiple stomach pumpings, and the Poop-Eating Boy.]
[Remember, the 'fecal' in Fecal Contribution refers to actual manure, the 'head-butt' in Head-Butt Award refers to a physical strike, and the 'gastric' in Gastric Lavage Award refers to the stomach!]

The naive fans, seeing the eye-searing barrage of comments, saw their smiles vanish instantly and broke down, cursing:
[You loser, go die!]
[These two bastards, damn it, as long as they aren't me, they’ll mock Baby Qian to death, won't they?!]
[Wang Baoqiang and this loser were already a pair of idiots, now who is this guy's subordinate? Can everyone who disgusts our idol just go die?]

"Loser!" Wu Qian lost control of his facial expressions, turned his head, and cursed: "You're dead. Once I finish this, I’m definitely going to destroy you first!"

Before Lu Ming could respond, he slammed squarely into the arms of an auntie. Caught off guard, Wu Qian was dazed. When he regained his focus, he saw the text on the auntie's short-sleeved shirt: "Please carry me up." The woman weighed at least 170 pounds. Carrying such a heavy burden up the stairs, Wu Qian felt his legs trembling.

[???]
[They never said this part was in the stage.]
[For Baby Qian to carry such a heavy auntie up the stairs with his physique—the production team is heartless! They could have just killed him, but they had to turn it into a game process!]
[This is targeted! It’s purely targeted!!]

"Wow!!!" everyone at the scene expressed shock.
BaBy and Reba covered their mouths in disbelief, all of them sweating for the delicate Baby Qian.

Time ticked away. Hearing the anxious urging of his teammates, Wu Qian gritted his teeth—he’d do it!
The moment he hoisted her up, he felt his whole body sink. The bamboo shoots felt like they were piercing his flesh, sending a surge of urgency to his bladder. He stood tall, but as he took a single step, his facial features contorted in extreme pain, making those watching wince.

"Wow, he's really going for it!" Brother Chao yelled excitedly. "Who says idols lack courage? Who says idols lack talent? Baby Qian, you are the No. 1 of the fan circle!"

Baby Qian, who was already at his breaking point, felt his confidence soar upon hearing Deng Chao's praise. He forced a breath, gathered all his strength, gritted his teeth, and climbed the stairs with heavy, arduous steps.
On the live stream, Wu Qian looked like he was carrying Mount Five Fingers, drenched in sweat!

"Who dares to say my buddy has weak kidneys?" Lu Ming shouted into the megaphone with all his might: "My brother is carrying an auntie, stepping on bamboo shoots, and launching a hearty assault on his own kidney reflex zones!"
"Is he trembling? Is he shaking? Is he clutching his crotch?"
In the distance, the nerve-wracked Wu Qian’s legs trembled, his body shook violently, and he fought to clamp his legs together.
"He didn't even frown!"
Wu Qian responded instantly, his brow furrowing into a knot so tight a fly could be crushed in the crease!
"Everyone who harbors prejudice against our idol and slanders his physical fitness, apologize now!!"
"The wind rises, the clouds fly! His strength pulls mountains, his spirit conquers the world! The ultimate man forges ahead, the ultimate idol burns his bridges!"

Wu Qian stumbled, nearly face-planting onto the sharp bamboo shoots. He hunched over, panting, hands braced against the stairs, shaking violently like a weakling.

BaBy: "Oh my!"
Reba: "Wu Qian doesn't seem to be able to hold on!"

Lu Ming cheered him on with all his might: "Don't look down, your crown will fall! Don't lie down, your parents will hurt! Don't give up, your haters will laugh! Baby Qian, you must hold on, you must persist! The moment you show unwavering will, break your limits, and overcome all doubt, every Megnie like me will view you as our pride!"

"When that time comes, you will suddenly realize that everything that doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!"
"If you bloom, the butterflies will come; if you are brilliant, heaven will arrange it all!"
"Megnies in front of the screen, please join me in cheering for Baby Qian, okay?!"

[Baby Qian! Go!]
[Charge!!]
[You are the best!]
[The Megnie army is always behind you!]

In an instant, everyone’s emotions were completely ignited by Lu Ming's passionate rhetoric, and even Wu Qian himself inexplicably felt his entire body burning!
Although he desperately wanted to jump down and punch the bastard who was still pretending to be his fan, the atmosphere was already so hyped that he felt compelled to shoulder his fans' expectations and win the game in glory!

Lu Ming took a deep gulp of liquor and roared passionately:
"Sprint, Baby Qian!!"
"Cross this mountain, and they will hear your story. No matter how bumpy the road, the moment you stand at the peak, you can shout to everyone who disliked you in the past: this isn't a dark history, this is the road I traveled to get here!!"
"To recast the glory of idols, I, Qian, am duty-bound!"
"You are who you are, you are the last card in the fan circle, you are—the Top! Streamer! Wu! Qian!"

Everyone, including the casual onlookers in front of the screen, was moved.
These captivating, wild lines were so impactful!
Even the director of the production team hadn't expected that a mundane racing game could be turned into something so blood-boiling by this kid, with such explosive results!
"A genius!" the director exclaimed excitedly. "He was born to eat this bowl of rice!"
Even the president of the streaming platform, watching from the monitoring room, couldn't help but slam the table in applause: "My judgment was correct! Even if he switches to being a host in the future, he’ll be an excellent talent. His talent is practically overflowing off the screen!"

Wu Qian’s pale face flushed red, and the title "Top Streamer Wu Qian" made his whole body feel rigid with intensity. Suddenly, his blood surged, adrenaline briefly took over his body, and in the next second, the thin-limbed Wu Qian miraculously carried the 170-pound auntie... and stood up!

Captured by the close-up lens, Wu Qian climbed to the peak, step by step!
When he finally set the auntie down, the people’s eyes were filled with admiration. Even the director, noticing that the time limit had passed, forgot to blow the whistle to call a halt, waiting for Wu Qian to complete the final feat.

Wu Qian felt refreshed. The shocked gazes around him satisfied his vanity immensely. At this moment, he felt he had reached the peak of his life!
Under the spotlight, the young man sprinted forward and then leaped, like an eagle breaking out of a cage to soar through the sky—full of霸气 (dominance)!

Lu Ming shouted until his voice cracked: "My strong-willed Baby Qian... he... did... it!"
"Oh my god!!" Deng Chao cheered with wide eyes.
"Too intense!!!" The brotherhood group was in an uproar.

Amidst the noisy praise, the airborne Baby Qian, having lost his sense of self in the triumph, missed the horizontal bar hanging in the air and "whooshed" right off the platform...

"Ahhhhhhh!" Wu Qian’s expression changed instantly, and he screamed: "Help! Help! Help me!"
In the midst of his terrified shrieks, the man landed on his feet. Falling from a height of nearly two meters, the violent impact caused his bladder to contract sharply, as if it had exploded. He arched his back, standing rigid like a steel bar driven into the ground, and suddenly began to spray!

Yes, spray!

[???]
[Holy crap!]
[What did I just see?!]
[Baby—Qian—!]
[My eyes have been raped!]
[What is he doing!!]

Wu Qian’s expression froze, the pride of his recent praise still lingering on his face, but he stood there like a statue, silent in front of the camera.
At this moment, his mind was a blank slate, like a crashed computer; it felt as if even his blood circulation had stopped.
Captured by the close-up lens, the young man stood there like a gushing pipe, spraying freely and unreservedly!

Such an explosive scene left everyone’s expressions frozen!
BaBy and Reba covered their mouths, their little heads buzzing, unable to make a sound. Heaven knows what kind of shock this scene had caused to their innocent hearts.

A passing water truck driver saw this scene and couldn't help but pull over to admire this "scenery." The driver and his partner had their eyes wide open, their mouths hanging agape, repeating: "Holy crap... holy crap... this young man... holy crap..."

Wang Baoqiang looked naive: "Did Baby Qian wet his pants?"
Everyone: "..."
Was the fact in front of them really that hard to discern?

"Not exactly." Lu Ming’s answer drew everyone’s attention. He said in all seriousness: "Baby Qian exerted too much force and accidentally blew the engine. Look, the oil is leaking all over the ground. It's tragic!"

"This accident tells us: never drive a 1.5T car to climb a mountain. Because of the lack of power, the car will likely get stuck halfway up. At this point, normal people feel they aren't far from the top, so they floor the gas pedal to charge through, but nine times out of ten, car owners who think like this will blow their engine!"

"A 1.5T car can't do a 3.0T's job."
"Mountains are mountains, rivers are rivers. If you don't have the strength, don't show off!"

"Pfft!!"
"Pfft-chuckle!!"
Everyone burst into laughter, and even the two girls, who only half-understood, couldn't help but purse their lips, muttering "psychopath."

[What the hell, blown engine!]
[Baby Qian is in this state and you're still mocking him, doesn't your conscience hurt?!]
[1.5T = kidney deficiency, blown engine = bladder explosion, is my understanding correct, brothers?]
[I am truly jealous of your talent, I'm dying of laughter, damn!]
[Case solved, this kid was just building him up to destroy him! He would have given up in two seconds, but the loser’s sweet words turned him into a placenta. You are something else!]
[The hype was real; even I, a passerby who hates idol culture, couldn't help but cheer. But just as my hormones were burning, you show me this?!]
[Wu Qian: I didn't know! Someone I hate the most suddenly changed his tune and called me the glory of idols, then called me a top streamer, so I had to charge!]
[The 21st century's top-tier strategic maneuver: "Killing with kindness."]

"Qian... Baby Qian..." Chen Chichi’s expression was conflicted. He wanted to step forward to comfort his team member, who was frozen on the spot, but looking at the still-spraying Baby Qian, he didn't know how to start.
This kind of live broadcast accident was unprecedented in the history of variety shows; they really had no idea how to save the situation!