Chapter 29: Wu Qian: My hemorrhoids have been punctured! Help me!! [Seeking Monthly Tickets]

[Page 1/3]
【???】
【Qian—Bao!!】
【Holy crap, what just happened? My eyes!】
【I think he sat on a bamboo shoot. I’m not seeing things, he sat on a bamboo shoot!】
【For some reason, my butt just clenched!】
【That looks so painful!】
【The 'Has-been' fell from that height while holding the pull-up bar and was totally fine, but Qian-Bao panicked, took evasive action, and nearly lost half his life!】
【He jumped early while carrying someone and still managed to grab the bar; his core explosive power is seriously insane!】
【The sports students are weeping with envy!】
【You 'Has-been', you ruined our Ge-Ge!】
【If anything happens to Ge-Ge, I’ll make the 'Has-been' pay with his life!!】

Facing this sudden broadcast accident, the live chat exploded.

Chao-Ge and his team rushed over to check. Even Lu Ming, who was standing below holding the pull-up bar with a blank, bewildered expression, reflexively turned back to look. When he saw blood dripping down the edge of the high platform, he exclaimed in surprise: "Men get their periods too?!"

"..." Wu Qian stared down at Lu Ming with lifeless eyes.
At this moment, he didn't even have the strength to curse.

After Chao-Ge and the others approached and saw the bloody scene, they were all stunned. They had lived for half their lives and had never seen anything like this!

"Give us a hand, hurry and get Qian-er..." Chao-Ge hesitated, choosing his words carefully: "...pulled out!"

"Call an ambulance first," Chen Chichi said, his expression contorted, his thick eyebrows dancing as his features bunched up.

Li Chen wrapped his arms around Wu Qian's waist, and the others stepped in to help pull him off the bamboo shoot. But Wu Qian, in pain, hurriedly stopped them: "No, wait! Just a second, let the blood flow for a bit longer!"

"You'll be in trouble if you lose too much blood!" Reba warned.

Even though it was incredibly embarrassing to be this pathetic in front of the ladies, Wu Qian told the truth: "I... I think my hemorrhoids burst... let the bad blood drain out first, it's fine!"

Reba: "..."
Baby: "..."
The two actresses silently retreated behind the group.

Upon hearing this 'good news,' Chao-Ge and the others let out a long sigh of relief while struggling to suppress their laughter.

The director, who had come over to check the situation, suddenly realized: "I said so! Our custom bamboo shoots are made of rubber; there’s no way they could be that dangerous."

"Do you think I’m in this state and it’s still not dangerous enough?!" Wu Qian pointed at the director, trembling with rage. He shifted his body, and the next second, he felt a jolt like an electric shock, groaning: "Ah, oh..."

Director: "..."

"It’s clear that this little bamboo shoot is indeed quite safe," Lu Ming, who had arrived late, chimed in.

The director’s face lit up: "The 'Has-been' is the only fair one here!"

"Look, Qian-Bao is even enjoying it!" Seeing things going south, Reba hurriedly covered Lu Ming’s mouth from behind. But unfortunately, her hands were too small, and she missed the mark. Lu Ming looked at the vein-popping Qian-Bao and praised him indistinctly: "You kid really know how to play. I never dreamed that a tiny acupressure mat could be developed into new tricks by you!"

"When you were messing around on it with Teacher Huang earlier, you must have been secretly enjoying it, right?"

Director: "..."
He swore he would never believe a word coming out of the 'Has-been's' mouth again!

Reba: "..."
She couldn't stop him. There was simply no stopping him.

Wu Qian was infuriated. Driven by rage, he stood up from the acupressure mat with a 'swish,' and a bloody lump of flesh dropped onto the ground. Ignoring everything else, Wu Qian charged at Lu Ming with his bloody backside: "I’m going to kill you right now!"

"Qian-Bao, your hemorrhoid fell off! Your hemorrhoid fell on the ground!"

"Don't call me by that name, you bastard! It's disgusting, so disgusting!!"

Great. They were fighting again.

The bystanders tried to break up the fight, but they couldn't stop them. Seeing Wu Qian’s pathetic and frantic appearance, the netizens watching outside were laughing so hard they were doubled over in front of their screens; some didn't even have the strength left to type in the chat.

Before long, as the ambulance arrived and the delirious Qian-Bao was carried away on a stretcher, this farce finally came to an end.

Although the final pull-up bar segment resulted in an accident, everything was completed within the allotted time, so the Blue Team was still considered to have passed. They soon took a car to the second mission location to choose their reward.

Only the Red and Yellow teams remained. Because of Wu Qian’s absence, the production team used their imagination and simply picked a fan from the crowd to step in, allowing the game to continue.

However, after such a major broadcast accident, the outside world was destined to be restless. Everyone’s focus shifted, turning their attention to the rapidly changing trending topics.

#Wu Qian sprays in public!#
#The idol with the highest flow rate!#
#Wu Qian sprays everywhere!#
#Wu Qian's hemorrhoids burst!#
#Wu Qian? The Has-been's toy!#
#Latest adult industry product: Small bamboo shoot mold, celebrity style, you deserve it!#

[Page 2/3]
The onlookers watched the trending topics flooded by Wu Qian and exclaimed that in all their lives of eating melons (gossiping), they had never encountered such high-intensity drama. In particular, a manufacturer of adult products using the 'celebrity style' tag seized the opportunity to attract countless eyes with advertisements following the current events, quickly going viral.

As for the 'Megnies' (fans) who always defended Ge-Ge? They were too ashamed to speak.

...

On the way to the second mission location.

Reba asked: "What kind of grudge do you really have with Teacher Huang and Wu Qian?"

"It’s not that I have a grudge against them, it’s that they are trying every possible way to mess with me, and I have no choice," Lu Ming said, shrugging his shoulders like a little bear. "When they invited me to the 'Mushroom House' earlier, it was Teacher Huang and the others wanting to feast on my negative traffic. A week before the show started, all the guests of that episode of 'Mushroom House' were posting two essays a day on Weibo, using me as a topic for harsh criticism to drive traffic."

"At the time, countless big shots were criticizing and belittling me, making me think I had done something heinous. I almost wanted to jump off a building."

At this point, Lu Ming’s expression suddenly became melancholic.

Reba’s expression turned panicked: "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was such a backstory."

"It's okay, I have a strong mindset," Lu Ming said nonchalantly. "From that moment on, I secretly swore that I would become the most powerful top-tier celebrity in the Chinese entertainment industry. I want to be famous everywhere!"

"That's the spirit! You have ambition!" Wang Baoqiang, who was driving, gave a thumbs-up in admiration.

The three of them were chatting happily and didn't notice the fixed camera in the front broadcasting live.

【Looking at it this way, the 'Has-been' is actually quite pitiful.】
【The current Chinese entertainment industry is all about whoever has the most traffic, you just cling to them. If you have a background, even if something goes wrong, a bunch of people will rush to defend you. A traffic star like the 'Has-been' who debuted purely on looks has zero background. Once something happens, even a dog on the side of the road can bark at him.】
【Spot on!】
【Even now, I don’t think the 'Has-been' did anything wrong at the time. Isn’t being good to your girlfriend something worth praising? How did he become a 'lick-dog' (simp)?】
【It depends on the situation. If a young, successful, and well-born master does it, it's called doting or being affectionate. If a young, unsuccessful person with no background does it, that's being a 'lick-dog.' Actually, people used to call this behavior 'affectionate,' but now, due to various external factors, it’s classified as being a 'lick-dog.'】
【An idol, at his peak, was the dream man of countless girls. He only did what boys do in love, but was ridiculed by the whole internet as a 'lick-dog' and fell from grace because of it. This tells us: if you have money, don't fall in love. I earn a million a year. I used to have some illusions about love, but now I don't feel anything. Being alone is quite good too.】
【Hey, don't deny all good girls just because of the 'Has-been's' experience. I think your mindset is the problem. I’ve sent you a private message with my contact info. Add me and I’ll help you correct it!】

The 'Anti-Ming' army was overflowing with sympathy because of Wu Qian’s miserable encounter, but as soon as they switched the screen, they saw the 'Has-been' washing his own image, attracting a lot of sympathetic voices.

The haters were immediately displeased.

【Starting to sell misery and wash your image already?】
【You said you were going to jump off a building? Go ahead and jump, anyone can brag!】
【I didn’t expect anyone to sympathize with the 'Has-been.' Simps empathizing with simps, did the chat section turn into a mirror for you all?】
【And you’re planning to become the most powerful top-tier? Once this wave of negative traffic dies down, you’ll be banned from the industry! What kind of daydreaming are you doing in the morning?】
【It’s the tragedy of the Chinese entertainment industry that a beautiful piece of trash who only looks decent can have fans!】

With the haters shouting, many rational passersby also entered the fray to argue back. For a time, netizens were arguing, and the chat section was in total chaos.

Before long, the three members of the Blue Team arrived in the suburbs. Looking at the staff member holding the 'R' sign in the distance, the three got out of the car and soon arrived at a long table with two cards on it.

The staff indicated: "You can choose either of the two cards."

"Can we flip them over and look before choosing?" Reba asked.

After the staff agreed with a nod, she went up and flipped one over. It read: 'Name Tag Shrink Card.'
The other was a 'Name Tag Expansion Card.'

"In the final 'Rip the Name Tag' segment, you can use one of these two prop cards to designate any member to receive a large name tag or a small name tag."

"A small name tag is definitely better, it’s not easy to rip off," Reba chuckled.

Lu Ming: "You are so smart."

"That's right." Rarely praised, Reba smiled, but soon she noticed Lu Ming’s obviously perfunctory expression and puffed up: "Come on, we are teammates, even to me you have to be sarcastic?"

"No, I’m telling the truth."

Reba hummed, looking like 'do you think I believe that?'

The value of the two prop cards was clearly different. The large name tag was used to target a tricky opponent on other teams, while the small one was naturally for self-protection. Lu Ming liked a saying among gamers: you only have output if you are alive. The same applies to variety shows; you only have screen time if you are alive. Once ripped, you can only wait in 'jail' for the game to end, so naturally, they chose the small name tag card.

"Who should we put this small name tag on?" Reba asked, holding the prop card.

Lu Ming grinned: "Is that even a question?"

【Here it comes.】
【He’s going to start simping for Reba.】
【His simping addiction is acting up. This is the 'Simp-Ming' I’m familiar with!】
【It’s the first time meeting Reba and he’s already flirting. Does the 'Has-been' have no shame?】

The haters were all disgusted.

Reba averted her eyes and said modestly: "If you give it to me, it might not be appropriate. I can’t help you much, at best it’s just not so easy to be ripped off..."

"I didn't expect you to have some self-awareness," Lu Ming looked at Reba with an surprised expression and explained: "I didn’t intend to give it to you anyway. Sticking this on you is no different than not sticking it on at all. Instead, because the name tag is too small, it will affect your popularity. You are suited for the big name tag—the kind that takes up the whole camera frame. That way, even if it gets ripped, the audience will remember your name. You won't lose anything!"

Reba: "???"

"But I’m different. Sticking this on me is like a tiger growing wings or a cow riding a rocket—I’m awesome either way!"

[Page 3/3]
Reba stared blankly at Lu Ming: "Although... but... why are you not a gentleman at all!"

"I can't help it, it’s all from experience," Lu Ming said with a nostalgic look. "I used to be a gentleman and was scolded for being a 'lick-dog.' I pretended to be a gentleman for three years, my career was ruined, my house was auctioned, and I was burdened with loans. Now that I’ve finally escaped the abyss, I don’t want to be pretentious anymore."

"..." Reba looked at Lu Ming in surprise: "You’re pretty good at rhyming!"

"Oh, you were like a cheetah on the acupressure mat earlier. Even if you can't beat them, you can just run. Li Chen couldn't even catch you. You don't need this small name tag at all," Wang Baoqiang shouted. "Reba is a girl who has been through thick and thin with us. We should take care of her; let's stick it on Reba."

"Baoqiang-ge, I... I’m okay..." Reba waved her hand.

Lu Ming interrupted: "Listen to that. It’s settled then. Stick it on me; I’ll carry the team!"

"What does 'carry' mean?" Reba blinked curiously.

"Don't ask about social matters."

Reba: "..."

Wang Baoqiang looked conflicted. Lu Ming explained earnestly: "Baoqiang-ge, it’s not that I’m saying anything, but your thoughts are too outdated. Nowadays, the internet advocates for girls to be independent and self-reliant. If we blindly favor her, it might actually hurt Reba instead. Haters might use it to criticize her for being pretentious and selfish. Even we might be labeled as discriminating against the opposite sex!"

"Is it that complicated?" Wang Baoqiang was shocked.

Lu Ming looked at Reba: "Tell Brother Qiang if that’s the case."

"..." Reba’s expression was complex: "What exactly have you been through?!"

"Haven't you heard my story?"

"Just heard a little," Reba stared directly at Lu Ming with her beautiful eyes: "But every word of yours is full of stories!"

【Who said the 'Has-been' was simping?】
【I don’t know why, but Reba’s shocked look is so satisfying to watch.】
【The 'lick-dog' has awakened; he is a wolf warrior!】
【Wait, Reba is a hundred times prettier than his ex. If the 'Has-been' could spoil 'Sister Zheng,' why can’t he spoil my Reba? Did my Reba get the short end of the stick after all?!】
【Do the haters still say my Ming is a simp?】
【This is a high-quality male!】

The netizens exclaimed that it was satisfying to watch.

After everyone put away their prop cards, they went to rest in the homestay rooms rented by the production team. It was near noon, and by the time the other teams arrived, it would be lunchtime. The second game would clearly not be recorded until the afternoon.

Not long after, the three from the Red Team arrived by car. Seeing the last remaining prop card, the three excitedly collected it and entered the room. The Yellow Team arrived last and naturally got nothing. Brimming with anger, after the meal, they vented all their frustration on the food.

3:00 PM.

Recording resumed. Just as everyone was ready to assemble, the roar of a motorcycle was heard in the distance.

Looking closely, Wu Qian—who had just performed twice in the morning, becoming a fountain and having his hemorrhoids burst, only to be mocked by netizens—was now radiant, riding a motorcycle, shouting excitedly at Lu Ming:

"Has-been, your Qian-ge is here to run you over!!!"

Lu Ming: "???"

Oh no, this guy actually wants to kill him!

Watching the Harley motorcycle approaching without slowing down, the members of the brotherhood, who were chatting happily a second ago, changed color. They immediately scattered like frightened chickens and ducks.

"Wu Qian, calm down!"
"Stop! Don't joke with your life!"
"Think about your career, think about your parents! You must not go down the path of crime!"

Even Teacher Huang was speaking like a normal person for once.

"I’m still hanging on the trending list, I have no career left! Has-been, I’m going to run you over!!"

The group’s persuasion not only failed to wake Wu Qian up, but it had the opposite effect. Wu Qian’s expression was ferocious. He twisted the throttle to the end. The motorcycle let out a low roar, popped a wheelie on the spot, and then charged forward with a howl!

Everyone looked back in horror, only to see Lu Ming, who was beside them a second ago, had already run more than ten meters away!

"Has-been!!"
"Even if you run to the ends of the earth, I’ll run you over!"

The motorcycle flashed by and appeared not far behind Lu Ming in the blink of an eye. The excited Wu Qian slowed down slightly; it was clear he only wanted to scare him. He kept a steady speed, watching the 'Has-been' sprinting for his life, and the pent-up frustration in his heart vanished instantly, replaced by a feeling of refreshment!

"Run, where are you running to?!"
"The little flying stick is coming~~"

Suddenly, Lu Ming grabbed a nearby tree trunk and, using the momentum, swung himself to the side, clearing the way for the speeding motorcycle behind him. Wu Qian didn't think much of it at first, but the next second, his face changed drastically!

Ahead was a giant pit!
It was full of thick mud!

"Ahhhhhhh!"
"Help!"

Wu Qian couldn't brake in time and quickly let go of the handlebars. Under the live camera, in front of the entire internet, he performed a cool airborne jump off the bike. As the motorcycle crashed into the mud pit, splashing mud into the sky, the screaming Wu Qian followed with a 'thud,' diving headfirst into the mud.

Submerged completely, sound cut off in a second!