Volume One, Chapter 11: Does It Hurt? It Must Hurt a Lot
That Saturday, Shu Wan was in her room working through practice problems when she noticed a thin layer of mist forming on the sliding glass door. She wiped it with her fingertip and saw white flakes drifting onto the balcony—it was snowing.
The year’s first snowfall came on her eighteenth birthday.
Unconsciously, she had been in Beicheng for over half a year.
Shu Wan decided to invite Meng Huaijin out for a meal to express, however modestly, her gratitude for his care over these months.
With that in mind, she began changing clothes, trying on a dozen outfits before finally settling on the plush coat and khaki snow boots that Meng Huaijin had taken her to buy a few days ago.
As she stepped out of her bedroom, she bumped into Meng Huaijin, who was just coming out dressed in formal attire.
Shirt, tie, vest, suit jacket, trousers, and black leather shoes with red soles—a complete set. His cashmere overcoat was casually draped over his arm.
The entire ensemble radiated elegance and charisma.
Shu Wan’s heart brightened. Was he taking her out to celebrate her birthday?
Meng Huaijin paused at the sight of her carefully dressed appearance and asked, “Going out with classmates?”
The crystal bubble she had built in her heart shattered completely. She forced a smile and replied straightforwardly, “Uncle, it’s my birthday today. Are you free? I want to treat you to dinner.”
His calm expression faltered for a moment. After a pause, he pulled out his phone and tapped a few times on the screen. Then, looking up at her hopeful eyes, he said casually, “Happy birthday.”
He clearly didn’t remember it was her birthday.
A notification chimed—a WeChat message. Shu Wan opened it and saw a transfer from her uncle, a generous amount with the note: “Happy birthday.”
“Got it. Take your classmates and have fun,” Meng Huaijin said as he headed to the door. Then he paused and added, “Don’t stay out too late. Be home by ten.”
“I...” Shu Wan’s words trailed off.
The front door clicked shut behind him, leaving her with an indescribable feeling.
If earlier the crystal bubbles had shattered, now it was like a storm of mud and rain collapsing all at once.
It was as if the adult, dressed to the nines, was going out to enjoy himself and deliberately leaving her alone at home—on her birthday no less!
And she couldn’t argue or question him, because he had said she wasn’t allowed to ask about his affairs.
Shu Wan blinked back tears, her expression more painful than crying itself. In that instant, the sky darkened and the snow ceased to be beautiful.
She paced quickly to the balcony and stood there for a minute, watching Meng Huaijin leave the apartment.
The light snowflakes floated and whitened the ground. The man, seemingly unfazed by the cold, still held his coat on his arm, his back straight and his stride confident.
Soon, a military green SUV pulled up beside him. The driver, dressed in uniform, stepped out, stood at attention, and saluted him. Then he opened the rear door.
The man returned the salute, bent down to get in, and within moments, the vehicle departed the officers’ quarters.
Shu Wan was stunned for a long time until a biting cold wind snapped her back to reality.
She took out her phone and looked at the transfer screen that hadn’t refreshed. After typing and deleting a message several times, she finally sent: “Be careful on the road.”
About a minute later, a one-word reply came: “Hmm.”
Ah...
Shu Wan tossed her phone onto the sofa and rolled onto it a few times, frustrated. She grabbed her cat, Sweet Cone, and began kneading it.
“Meow...” Sweet Cone shot her a serious glare and escaped from her arms.
“Not even you’re giving me a good face!”
Shu Wan massaged the cat a bit more before letting it go.
While she was at school, most of Sweet Cone’s food was provided by Meng Huaijin. He often fed three days’ worth in one sitting, which not only made Sweet Cone as fat as a pig but also gave it a personality like his—aloof and cold.
Still so stonehearted! Not even a fraction as soft as reinforced concrete!
She grumbled silently for half an hour when suddenly her phone, which had slipped between the sofa cushions, buzzed weakly.
After a long struggle, she finally retrieved it, but the ringing had already stopped. Then it rang again—it was Uncle Meng Chuan calling.
“Uncle Meng Chuan,” Shu Wan answered, voice weary.
“Little Shu Wan? No, I should call you Big Shu Wan now. Quickly put on your hottest, sexiest little dress and come downstairs! Uncle’s taking you to your coming-of-age party!” Meng Chuan honked the horn loudly; Shu Wan could hear it clearly inside her room.
She looked down from the balcony on the ninth floor and sure enough, a flashy Lamborghini was parked below, only this one had a roof.
Within minutes, she was downstairs. Meng Chuan examined her from head to toe and disdainfully tugged at her cute hat, plush coat, and scarf.
“I told you to wear a hot little dress, didn’t I? You don’t have one?” he asked.
“Are you sure you want me to wear one?” Shu Wan replied. She had one but dared not wear it.
Meng Chuan shivered. “Forget it. I’m afraid Brother Jin would kick me all the way into the Pacific.”
Shu Wan smiled and got into the car, then asked knowingly, “How did you know today’s my birthday?”
“Brother Jin told me to take you out. He’s out of town and probably can’t come back tonight.”
“Can’t come back tonight...” The girl leaned against the window, murmuring, “Uncle Meng Chuan, after you turn eighteen, can you do a lot of things?”
Meng Chuan chuckled. “What do you want to do?”
She shook her head blankly and asked if she could invite a few classmates.
“Of course,” he agreed readily. “Invite the whole class if you want—the more, the better.”
Since she didn’t have that kind of influence, Shu Wan invited just five classmates: her deskmate Lu Siqi, and four others seated in front and behind them, boys and girls alike.
Meng Chuan booked a private room at a large amusement center within the Second Ring Road. They arrived first, and soon the five classmates trickled in.
Shu Wan asked the waiter to bring plenty of food and encouraged everyone to eat well and have fun.
Halfway through, Meng Chuan said he had friends upstairs to greet and left briefly.
Shu Wan guessed he felt awkward staying with them since the age and status gap was obvious.
Meng Chuan was two years younger than Meng Huaijin, and though he appeared to be a frivolous playboy, he actually ran a successful company.
“Shu Wan, why are your uncles all so impressive and handsome?” Lu Siqi whispered gossipingly.
They really were impressive and handsome.
“Especially the one who often parks his car at the school gate to pick you up. His presence is so strong—I passed by his car a few times and didn’t dare to look straight at him. There’s this inexplicable chill coming off him that made me step back. What exactly does he do?” Liang Jing asked.
“He... runs a company,” Shu Wan said cautiously, avoiding the full truth.
“Didn’t he celebrate your birthday with you today?”
“He’s too busy,” Shu Wan changed the topic. “Don’t just talk about me. You guys eat, drink beer, and sing.”
“The birthday girl should lead the way!” Lu Siqi handed her an opened beer.
“Birthday girl drinks, birthday girl drinks, birthday girl drinks!”
“You’re eighteen now; you can drink. Don’t be scared.”
Not scared at all, Shu Wan took the beer decisively and tilted her head back to gulp it down.
It tasted nothing special, neither sweet nor sour.
She wondered why her parents had forbidden her to drink before, and why the cold-faced uncle did too later on.
The bottle emptied quickly. Everyone stared in amazement at her “ferocity” before diving back into the party.
Shu Wan sat in the corner of the sofa, glancing at her phone—no unread messages.
Someone proposed a toast again, and she raised her glass to drink with them. Afterward, they sang wildly, voices hoarse and raw.
Meng Chuan went upstairs and apparently fell into the arms of some beauty, never to return.
Shu Wan had arrived at noon. The group partied until past nine in the evening.
As it was her first time drinking, she was the most intoxicated, vomiting into the toilet three times and feeling her stomach and throat burning as if scraped by knives. Swallowing was painful, an unbearable sensation.
By ten o’clock, the party dispersed but Meng Chuan hadn’t shown up.
In a haze, Shu Wan remembered calling him once—his phone was off.
Indeed, the saying “A man’s mouth is a lying ghost” was proving truer than ever.
She didn’t know where she had wandered. Her faint memories placed her sitting on a bench by the roadside.
Under the streetlights, the snow fell heavily, swirling in a ghostly blue night.
Shu Wan pulled out her phone and squinted at the screen—still no unread messages.
Her fingers scrolled down to messages marked from “Dad and Mom.” For a moment, her hand trembled numb.
She had never dared to open them before.
Thinking that those messages were farewells, eternal goodbyes, her heart ached painfully.
Why had they abandoned her? Why leave her all alone and choose such a cruel way to end their lives?
Self-inflicted pain—did it hurt? It must have hurt terribly, considering how mangled their bodies were.
Finally, Shu Wan opened her mother’s chat. The last message read: “Wanwan, bring Mom a cup of coffee when you come home.”
An ordinary message that turned out to be a final farewell.
She opened Meng Xian’s Moments; the pinned post was last year’s birthday video of Shu Wan, wearing a blue dress, surrounded by her best friends and the family who loved her most. At that time, she was the center of everyone’s world.
Today, she was eighteen, an adult... but they had all gone.
She couldn’t bear to look any further and quickly exited.
She had promised herself she wouldn’t be trapped in past sorrows anymore; she had to move forward, keep moving forward...
Suddenly, her eyes caught a pair of black leather men’s shoes stepping on the pure white snow, firm and resolute.
Shu Wan slowly lifted her head. Tears streamed down her face. Through her tear-filled, snowy vision, she faintly saw a sharp, cold yet extraordinarily handsome face—Zhang Fengrui’s.