Volume 1, Chapter 25: I Miss You, Meng Huaijin

Lightning tore through the clouds, striking the earth with thunder that rumbled close enough to shake the room. Outside, a torrential storm raged.

Meng Huaijin stood over her, looking down with an indifferent expression. "You call me Uncle; naturally, I have affection for you."

Startled by a fresh crack of thunder, Shu Wan clutched her quilt tightly, her palms instantly slick with cold sweat. After a moment of silence, she looked up. "Meng Huaijin, you do care for me, don't you?"

The man narrowed his eyes, his voice dropping several degrees. "Are you determined to court death like this?"

As long as he was not silent, distant, or acting like a stranger, Shu Wan felt that even his anger, his rage, his rebukes, and his threats were better than nothing.

"What does a title change?" she asked softly. "If I call you Uncle, does that mean I cannot do as I please? And if I don't, would I be allowed to?"

Meng Huaijin’s tone grew colder. "If you’ve lived long enough, you can certainly try."

The girl had become immune to his threats. She continued on her own, "Uncle Meng Chuan said that you and Miss Jiang have a political marriage—a perfect union, considered from every angle, and entirely beneficial to the development of both your families. Yulin says you will be a couple who treat each other with formal respect. But as far as I know, political marriages are not necessarily happy, and in families of high-ranking officials, 'treating each other with respect' is rarely a compliment."

"Uncle, do you truly have feelings for Miss Jiang?"

The wind howled louder, accompanied by the crashing of thunder.

Meng Huaijin took half a step toward the bed, leaning down to stare into her delicate, clear eyes. "In our circle, affection is the most easily satisfied, the most base, the most trivial of desires. Why would I ever need such a thing?"

Under his predatory, fierce gaze, Shu Wan felt tiny and utterly vulnerable. Suffocating under his stare, she trembled, feeling helpless, and couldn't help but ask, "Don't you find a life without affection boring? Are you really going to spend your whole life in such numbness? Uncle, you won't be happy that way."

*Uncle, you won't be happy...*

A deathly silence followed. Meng Huaijin did not respond to her words, or perhaps he was simply noncommittal, seeing no reason to argue. It didn't matter to him, as he had never been interested in the affairs of the heart.

Shu Wan pressed on. "If you and Miss Jiang were truly in love, if you were two people with mutual affection, then even if I had feelings for you, I would certainly walk away. But Uncle, if I’m not mistaken, you aren't even boyfriend and girlfriend yet, are you? At most, you are just arranged to meet."

"And so?" Meng Huaijin finally spoke, his voice deep and magnetic.

"And so," the girl said, "I am going to compete with her fairly. I am going to pursue you."

Meng Huaijin loathed this stubborn, headstrong nature of hers—the way she would charge forward regardless of whether the path was mud or swamp, refusing to turn back even when hitting a stone wall. He decisively withdrew his gaze and turned to leave.

Shu Wan instinctively grabbed his hand, panicked. "Uncle, don't go. I'm afraid."

This was not an act. Her bloodless pallor and the trembling of her hand were laid bare under the lamp light.

Meng Huaijin pulled his hand from her tight grip, looking indifferent. "Afraid of the thunder?"

She knew he was asking when he already knew the answer. The girl nodded.

"Didn't you say that even if your mother were standing before us, you would dare to speak, and even if the lightning struck you, you would still speak? If you are so brave, why fear the thunder?"

"..."

Shu Wan pursed her lips and shifted to a lighter topic. "Have you been well these past few days?"

Silence was her only answer. It was expected; he clearly looked like he had been doing just fine. It was only she who was not.

"It's two in the morning. Don't you usually hate being woken up? Why did you get up tonight?"

This time, there was not only silence; he turned to leave again.

In desperation, Shu Wan scrambled to her knees on the bed, wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, and pressed her cheek against his back, whispering, "I miss you... Meng Huaijin."

His waist tightened suddenly, and the warmth of her breath seeped through his thin, cool pajamas. Meng Huaijin paused, then abruptly tore her hands away. He turned, looking down at her like a gathering storm. "Shu Wan, you are incorrigible."

"Yes, I am incorrigible. I am crazy, I am hopeless, I am out of my mind." She met his eyes, which were verging on fury. "But do you dare say that your heart is as clear as a mirror, completely undisturbed by me?"

Meng Huaijin stood motionless, his eyes cold and empty. "What kind of disturbance do you think you could cause me?"

She did not blink. "The night of my birthday last year, when I was drunk, it was you who bathed me, you who took off my clothes, and you who changed me into my pajamas. A few days ago, when I woke up in bed, it was you who were touching me—my chest, my... When you saw me bare and touched every part of me, what were you thinking? Uncle!"

The midnight rain fell without restraint. The lightning affected the old villa's circuitry, causing the ceiling light to flicker, casting his silhouette in a surreal, ghostly glow.

Facing the girl’s sharp interrogation, he remained silent, his expression growing colder and more distant with every passing second. Finally, he said dismissively, "I felt nothing. Touching you is no different from touching a cat or a dog."

"Does Uncle lie, too?"

The girl’s gaze was searing. On her exquisite, pale face, the beauty mark near her eye looked increasingly vivid, like cinnabar, like a red bean, like crystal.

She knelt upright, leaning closer to Meng Huaijin, her voice as soft and fragile as a tender shoot breaking through the soil in early spring. "You, at that moment... you were aroused."