Chapter 69: Reflection

Jiang Fan shook his head. “I don’t know. Wandering from place to place, no matter what line of work you choose, it’s never easy. Look at Uncle Qiu and his wife—running a dumpling shop, earning a living through sheer hard work, and they’re constantly harassed by others.

You’re asking me about working in hotels? Do you have a friend in that business?”

Wang Wenyu buried her face in Jiang Fan’s chest. “No. A few days ago, I went with colleagues to the detention center to observe the interrogation of a murderer. I learned about the tragic end of a young woman working in a hotel, and it made me feel some sympathy for people in that line of work.”

“Tragic end? How old was she?”

“She died on her nineteenth birthday.”

“What happened?”

“She was close friends with someone who, out of jealousy at work, conspired with outsiders. Pretending to celebrate her birthday, they got her drunk and did her harm.”

Though she had never met the girl who had died so young, recalling all she’d learned brought Wang Wenyu to tears, which fell onto Jiang Fan’s chest.

Jiang Fan stroked her hair with a tender affection. “It’s so easy for reality to change a person’s nature. Take Manager Liu, for example. She has a husband and child at home and was once a victim herself. But now she’s sharing a bed with the very person who hurt her, and stays involved with him over the long term, gradually losing her sense of humanity.

But after all, she’s still a woman. Some of the things I said today were really too harsh.”

Hearing Jiang Fan’s words tinged with remorse, Wang Wenyu looked up, her eyes and face still wet with tears, but now with a smile. “A man who reflects on himself? I never thought I’d see the day.”

Jiang Fan gently tapped her nose. “Ever since I came to Dongguan, I’ve been reflecting on myself. But sometimes, I really can’t control my anger, and end up causing trouble again and again.”

Wang Wenyu scrunched up her nose and pouted. “Don’t pinch my nose again. If it gets dented, it won’t be pretty. You say you’ve been reflecting? On what, exactly? Tell me.”

Jiang Fan didn’t rush to answer. He reached for a packet of coconut cigarettes by the bedside, took one out, lit it, and inhaled deeply, blowing two smoke rings. The rest of the smoke drifted slowly from his lips and nostrils.

He furrowed his brow, his expression growing grave, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “The moment I left campus in disgrace, I hated the school authorities. In Dongguan, at Shangsha, I hated the security team. At Dafu, I hated Boss Chen, who exploited workers, and his cronies who helped him, as well as those high-and-mighty Taiwanese managers.

But looking back, survival is governed by the law of the jungle, where the strong prey on the weak. If you’re not strong enough, all the resentment in the world won’t help—it’s useless.”

Life is just like that. It doesn’t only demand hard work, but also the ability to endure hardships and setbacks, because no one can foresee what tomorrow will bring.

People say university campuses are where youth and love bloom brightest. But for me? During my three years at university, on weekends, I had to deliver newspapers and milk at dawn, carry coal in the mornings and afternoons, and in every spare moment, I’d go to the old man’s place to practice martial arts. I was always filthy, and the girls on campus wouldn’t even look at me—where was there any youth, any romance?

After I first saw you on campus, my inferiority complex meant all I could do was dream about such good fortune. I didn’t even have the courage to say hello. Who would have thought that, because of a misunderstanding, you’d become my wife? The frog wanting to eat swan meat, as they say—but in just over ten days, it became reality for us.

Meeting Hao Meng on my journey was perhaps destiny’s favor. I knew what she felt for me, but whenever I thought of her, I’d recall that night in the bathhouse. There was a rush of hormones whenever I was with her, but I always felt something was missing. Only with you did I finally understand what I truly wanted.

Still, being with you, I can’t set my mind at rest. I always feel I owe Hao Meng. After all, I really did those shameful things. That day in the hospital, when I heard her voice, I pretended to be asleep—I just didn’t know how to face her.

Honestly, I’ve thought about her these past few days, but it isn’t love—it’s gratitude and friendship. But when it comes to really meeting her, I can’t muster the composure. That’s my own sin.”

As he spoke, a single tear slid down Jiang Fan’s cheek and disappeared into the bedsheet.

Hearing Jiang Fan bare his heart so completely, Wang Wenyu slipped from his arms and leaned her face against his, revealing her own thoughts. “At school, I’d seen your name on the honor roll every year, so I wasn’t unfamiliar with it.

After the bathhouse incident, rumors spread that you’d done something to me, and I was so embarrassed I didn’t dare see anyone for days. At that time I hated you, and even blamed the teachers who selected the model students, thinking they must be blind.

Ms. Yan came to explain things and hoped I’d help clear your name. But in my memory, I clearly remembered you grabbing me, and I was convinced you were a lecher.

It was only out of respect for Ms. Yan that I agreed to meet with Uncle Li. When I saw how highly everyone in the alley spoke of you and your master, only then did my heart truly let go.

Though my father stepped in, since it concerned the school’s reputation, he couldn’t interfere much. So your expulsion was something that couldn’t be undone.

I thought that by coming to Dongguan, I could help you in whatever way I could. My father supported it, but my mother was strongly against it, especially my half-an-hour-older, rather silly sister, who egged my mother on to lock me in my room to keep me from running away. It was my father who arranged for my brother to take me to the airport.

Who would have thought that my so-called help would end with me giving myself to you, sharing your bed?”

Though still lost in memory, Jiang Fan couldn’t help but gently pinch Wang Wenyu’s cheek. “Do you regret it?”

Wang Wenyu shook her head with resolve. “The boys I grew up with were like you—always getting into trouble. But they relied on their fathers’ status to stir up trouble, yet never dared to take responsibility.

The king of the kids in our compound, Liu Bayi, was known as the most loyal among us. My silly sister liked him to no end.

But when something happened, he shifted the blame onto his friends. Now he’s landed a government job, while his friend got ten years in prison. My sister finally woke up to reality.

People—you have to take a close look to really know someone’s character. As an outsider, you managed to win the affection of the uncles and aunts in that alley, and that good reputation was built up over years of small deeds. You haven’t been in Dongguan long, yet you’ve already stirred up trouble more than once, but never without reason. That’s character.

You’re like opium—nothing much to look at, but once someone gets close, they can’t help but get addicted. That’s your charm.”

Jiang Fan wrapped his arms tightly around Wang Wenyu and kissed her on the forehead. “Wife, thank you for your praise. I promise you’ll never regret your choice today.”

Seeing Jiang Fan’s mood finally lift, Wang Wenyu pretended to be stern as she teased him, “Now I’m starting to regret it—what am I supposed to do?”

Jiang Fan grew anxious. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t regret it? How could you change your mind so quickly?”

Seeing his worried eyes, Wang Wenyu laughed. “It’s not that I regret my choice. I just regret getting into bed with a rascal like you so soon—is that not allowed?”

“No, you’re mine now. For the rest of your life, don’t even think about running away.” Jiang Fan pounced on Wang Wenyu.

With her mouth already sealed by his kiss, Wang Wenyu tried to protest, “You’re spoiled enough already, but you’d better keep your little brother in check—no crossing the line tonight.”

Jiang Fan’s hands and mouth were both busy as he replied, “That I can promise. I’ll wait until you’re ready to give yourself to me willingly.”

As dawn approached, Jiang Fan drifted off to sleep.

Wang Wenyu woke up thirsty. Seeing evidence of Jiang Fan’s “advance troops” once again dampening his underwear, she indulgently helped him change, then put on her pajamas and went downstairs to buy some water.